That Rotating Thing That Holds Condiments
by Lucillia
Summary: Team 7's Mary-Sue seems slightly...defective.


The kunai seemed to be coming at Senju Izuna in slow motion. As it approached, her life flashed before her eyes, including some bits she hadn't been there for or had been too small to remember. And to think she'd taken up guarding Tazuna alongside Sakura in order to prevent this...

_"...And we want the child to be brilliant. No, not just brilliant, a Supergenius!" the Uchiha said to Orochimaru who was idly doodling on a notepad while pretending to pay attention to the couple who had offered to pay for a designer baby._

_&!&  
_

_"It's a girl!" the midwife proudly announced the instant the baby was safely outside of the mother._

_"But we wanted a boy!" the couple wailed in dismay._

_"It's not my problem." the midwife said as she cleaned the baby up._

_&!&  
_

_The attendant at the orphanage cleaned out the donations bin. Today's haul was somewhat mediocre. Sometimes he thought that the villagers had mistaken the thing for a trash can and used it accordingly._

_"Lessee what we got here." the attendant said as he started sorting the day's take._

_"Rusted kunai, used jock strap, candy wrappers, shirt suitable only for use as cleaning rags, picnic basket, blanket, note, used diaper, newborn infant female, pair of boxer shorts..." the attendant muttered as he took inventory._

_&!&  
_

_The Yondaime Hokage sighed as he opened the slip of paper he'd pulled out of the hat. When the orphanage had asked him to name their newest resident, he thought it would be fun to get the children to participate, and had suggested that the children write down names so he could pick one out of the hat. All twenty-seven children had used this as an opportunity to hear the new Hokage use any and every swearword they could think of._

_"For the last time." the Yondaime said, barely suppressing a groan as he dropped the last slip of paper in the hat into the reject pile. "I am not going to name the child Motherfucking Asshole."_

_Several children in the group snickered and two giggled nervously. That name had been suggested five times, and they still found it funny._

_"That's it, I'm through with you brats." the Yondaime said, having grown tired of the situation. "Obito never gave me this much trouble, even when I include the 'Banana Incident which shall never be spoken of again'. Gimme that book, I'll give the kid the first name I come across..."_

_&!&  
_

_She grew up in the orphanage. It wasn't the best life, nor was it nearly as horrible as the drama queen in her dorm made it out to be. There was a roof over her head that didn't leak, three nutritious meals a day, and adequate if second or third hand clothing. People paid as much attention to her as they could with about forty other children running about, and she got presents on her birthday. What more did she need?_

_When she was six, a slightly hung-over looking Chunin who happened to be one of the few ninja in the village to actually bear the Senju name dropped by the orphanage looking for a kid to sponsor at the Ninja Academy. He chose her._

_A year later, her sponsor adopted her, apparently to impress his girlfriend if the woman's reaction was any indication. She didn't see her new father again for three days._

_A year and a half after that, she thanked her lucky stars that her Sharingan hadn't manifested until after Itachi had wiped out the Uchiha clan. If half the stories she'd heard about what they did to outsiders who possessed the Sharingan were true..._

_A few years later, she graduated the Academy and was placed on Team 7, becoming the fifth wheel when Naruto had his unconventional graduation and was placed on Team 7 as well. She blamed her placement at the bottom of the class on her adoptive parents. Their favorite activity usually kept her awake and wishing she were deaf or something until the wee hours of the morning. None of the methods she'd come up with to shut out the noise had worked as she wanted them to. How the hell they had overcome the silencing seals, the pillow, and the earplugs, she didn't know or even want to know. _

_Being on Team 7 had led to this fiasco, and the kunai that was speeding towards her..._

CLANK! CLATTER CLATTER CLATTER

Huh. Sakura knocked it out of the way. Oh well...

&!&!&!&

The quartet of Genin stood in the hallway outside the room in which the First Phase of the Chunin Exams was to take place.

"I can only let three of you pass." Hatake Kakashi said, looking pointedly at Izuna.

Sakura gave Izuna a look that was hopeful, fearful, and exceedingly jealous at the same time.

"Well then, I'm out." Izuna said as she turned and walked away. Personally, she preferred stargazing and watching the moon make its way across the night sky, but cloud watching would do in a pinch.

"Get back here!" Naruto yelled. "You're supposed to help us pass the first and second part of the Chunin Exams in a totally Awesome and Badass manner!"

"Tch. Whatever." Izuna said as she continued down the hall.

"If she isn't going to do anything, why do we keep her around?" Sasuke mused.

"Because I want to see if what they say about the bastard offspring of a Uchiha and a Nara is true. I'm not sure if it is though, so far all I've seen is "Lazy"." Kakashi replied.


End file.
